Thursday 1 April 2010

Friend or foe?

I started writing something new yesterday. It wasn't what I intended to write yesterday. It was the start of a novel I was excited about writing, oh, about three years ago. What I wrote (1,000 word opening scene) wasn't in the style I would have chosen, three years ago. It was better. It might even be pretty good. Am I excited about it, however? No. Instead I am vaguely anxious about continuing with it, even opening the word document and looking at what I wrote yesterday. I feel as if my equilibirum has been unsettled. Threatened.

This isn't what I planned to write, when I was able to return to writing full-time. I had a plan, for goodness sake! I had notes - reams and reams of notes - character studies and character arcs. I knew where I was headed with it. This new thing? The cuckoo in my writer's nest? (Or is it a stork?) I have next to nothing. A one-page synopsis I wrote three years ago, to structure the story in my mind. No character studies. No plot, as such. No notes!! Just this threatening... itch. This idea that I could write this and it could be good, better than what I had planned.

Trouble with an itch? You scratch it, it might go away. Or flare up into something horrid.

Shouldn't I be wildly excited about writing something new? Isn't that a vital ingredient? Or, at least, hug-myself-in-secret excited?

I do feel just like a mother bird, who returns to her nest to hatch her egg and finds someone else's egg there instead. Should I settle and see what hatches? That's what happens in nature, yes?

Has anyone else ever experienced this sense of feeling threatened by what they're writing? Is it a danger sign? Should I step away, or hang around for what happens next?

Added: Usually at this time on a sunny morning, I am writing to the sound of seagulls outside. This morning, it's wood pigeons, and blackbirds.

8 comments:

Sheila Cornelius said...

Really empathise with this. I have several part-completed novels so I think it's a bad habit to get into, starting new ones. However, if you've got better instincts about when to stop and when to pursue a new project I'd say go ahead. But then I would.

Sarah Hilary said...

Hello, Sheila! Good to hear from you. I know just what you mean about unfinished projects - it's actually not my style at all, this hopping about. That's maybe partly why it's making me so nervous.

Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

Something similar happened to me recently - as I struggle with this novel revision, other ideas pop into my head, ideas for "better" novels. Is it a sign to abandon the revision and start something new or is it a sign I'm just being lazy? :)

I went back to the revision, BUT I made notes on my other ideas. I don't know that there's a right way or a wrong way, and every situation is different - go with your gut, Sarah. Trust your instincts.

Sarah Hilary said...

Thanks, Madeline, and interesting to hear you experienced something similar - and made the appropriate notes. Nothing worse than losing those good ideas, is there? I'm learning to trust my instinct again, slowly but surely. Another writer friend suggested I give this new novel 15,000 words to see if it stands up. I like that idea, since it doesn't tie me to anything too major. (My friend confessed to hoping it would 'eat me alive' and I would love that - haven't have that raw feeling from a piece of writing in a while and would give much to have it back.)

Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

Hmm, now I'm thinking about trying my other idea for 15,000 words or so. Interesting concept...

Sarah Hilary said...

I say go for it, Madeline!

Dreamer said...

I did the same thing three or four years ago and am still working on it...

Sarah Hilary said...

Dreamer, that sounds terrific - and are you still loving it?